It is damn near impossible for me to sit still.
I should ask my mama if this has always been true, or if it's a (bad) habit that I've cultivated over the years (and through an increasingly technology-dependent world). If I am being honest, I will admit things like:
1. I don't really like to go to the movies because it requires me to sit still (and with decorum) for two hours, and
2. I get anxious during massage/acupuncture/anything like that--we're talkin' even LUX SPA TREATMENTS HERE--because I have to be motionless and quiet. So mostly, I don't do these types of things.
Same goes for meditation. I've tried it, repeatedly, as I know it would be so good for me & my restless soul. And yet, my mind gets the best of me every time. I can't stop thinking about the next moment. Right now, I'm sitting on our incredible patio in Cabo San Lucas, looking across our private plunge pool into the rowdy Pacific. I'm in a loose tank top and drinking a really good glass of red wine (that JJ shipped here from San Francisco). This should be the most calming environment EVER, right?
I'm pretty calm right now . . . in Claire terms, anyway. But still, my mind races with these thoughts:
~should I put on my cardigan or not?
~can't decide if I want to read blogs or read my book (Little Bee, btw)
~I think I left my dish in the sink & it's rude to leave it for the mayordomo
~tomorrow, would I rather run on the beach or go to the fitness center?
~I should be lesson planning
Etc., etc. I'm not sure that I've ever just been IN THE NOW for more than two minutes. I literally bob my leg up and down when I am sitting. Constantly. CANNOT BE STILL.
Anyone else have trouble with this? Specific ideas for overcoming this incapacity for calm?
Hope you're somewhere as beautiful as I am right now.
mental health awareness month, #3
19 minutes ago