Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Real Talk: Relationships

Before we get into this: GO ENTER MY GIVEAWAY! You could win an HTC OneX Android phone!

It's funny what we see (and don't see) in the blog world.

Sometimes, I feel like bloggers only reveal the most ideal, picturesque glimpses of their relationships. Do you know what I mean? Like we hear how each other's boyfriends and husbands make us weak in the knees, and how they're our best friends, and all the good stuff. And yet, I can't help but notice that there's a gaping hole in the blogosphere when it comes to the trials and difficulties of everyday relationships (& cohabitation).

I really, really love Matt. He's the one I wanna spend forever with. At 31, I have been in plenty of relationships, and I have a decent perspective on what's healthy and what's not. I learned the hard way what I couldn't put up with and what wasn't right for me, and I'm so grateful for those relationships that didn't work out. They taught me so much.

I'll admit it: I'm happy and I'm grateful that Matt is my partner. But sometimes, it sure ain't easy! We disagree, we have different core qualities, and we fight with each other over, sometimes, the most inane stuff. And there are nights when I call my girlfriends crying because I just can't understand his perspective on something, or I don't know how to reconcile an argument we've embarked upon.

Here are some examples:
  • I'm a total control freak. I like the dishes put away a certain way and I get annoyed if Matt puts them any place else. He doesn't understand this.
  • Matt has two kids, and because he thought he was done, he had a vasectomy. I want kids. Matt's open to more kids. Vasectomies are reversible, but we can't afford for his to be reversed. So there's that, and that's big. 
  • I'm more social than Matt is. I'm trying to be good at compromising, but sometimes I struggle with that. While I would often choose to be out in a busy, public place among friends, Matt would more likely choose to be home. Over time, this can be a tough difference. We've both adapted, though, and we're getting better at this balance. 
  • We struggle with money more than either of us would like. Matt has to pay a ridiculous amount of his paycheck to his daughter's mother for child support and child care, leaving him with very little to work with. Thankfully, we both have parents who help out (my dad shares his frequent flier miles, my mom's super supportive, both his parents help us with travel when they can, etc.), but it's still difficult. I can't help but fantasize about what it must like to be a DINK
  • We're both hypersensitive. We get offended too easily and start arguments with each other that are senseless. Sometimes, they escalate. 
  • It's rare, but occasionally I sleep on the couch. I get pissed, and Matt wants to talk the issue to death, and I get impatient and flee to the couch (even though it makes Matt really sad when I don't sleep in the bed). And then we have to deal with it in the morning.
  • Speaking of talking, Matt likes to do it. When we're dealing with even the most minor issue, Matt prefers to talk it out for as long as it takes to resolve things. And I get short-tempered and impatient and annoyed and can't seem to muster the patience or tolerance it requires to hear him out. 
  • We don't like the same music.
  • And he hates football.
I think what I've learned is this: if you're in love, then you're lucky (I'm lucky). But being in a relationship is a choice--and it's a choice you make each day. I choose Matt. And yet, there will be times when we want to throttle each other. And that's okay! Maybe we're not all ready to talk about it, but I'm talking about it. Sometimes, I want to throttle Matt. And sometimes he wants to throttle me. ;)

But ultimately, he's the one I want to sleep next to every night. And he's the one I want to face struggles with, go to family events with, and laugh with on the couch while watching Catfish.

So tell me (if you're brave enough): what do you and your partner struggle with?


Megan said...

I love this post Claire, honestly this is a breath of fresh air! I am guilty of only sharing the good times but that's much easier then the hard times.
Brendan and I have been together since we were 19 so we have gone through so much together and I think sometimes have been lucky to hold it all together.
- We have been flat broke as uni students
- Brendan is a party animal and I am a home body
- Brendan swears like a trooper and it makes me flinch
- I have also slept on the couch and then lay there fuming that I am the one on the couch
- I get crazy emotional, so much so that I can barely handle my own company let alone know how he can stand me
- I am a planner and Brendan just goes with the flow.
Just like you though I choose to be with him good points and flaws and the older I get the more I accept that neither of us are perfect.
He might not buy me flowers but he will tickle my back for half an hour when I cant get to sleep, will cook dinner when I cant be bothered and makes me smile when all I want to do is be cranky.
Glad that you linked to DINK i had no idea what that meant haha.

Angela said...

Nick procrastinates like mad, he never washes his hands when he gets home from being out in public, and he does not acknowledge that he has heard me, unless i ask a specific question. It is so stupid that any of those things matter, but they will, sure as damnation, cause a ruckus fight.

Jessie said...

Love this. Such honesty! And it's needed around here. Even in the "honeymoon phase" of marriage, things aren't easy- and we all need to know it's OK to admit it. You've got me thinking about this topic- I may just have to post my own thoughts on the issue.
Love you! We're lucky ladies. :)

robayre said...

Ha! He puts the dishes away in the wrong places? I'd settle for that. My Matt could have dirty dishes piled high under his own nose and it wouldn't occur to him that maybe they should be put in the dishwasher.

meghan said...

Thanks for the real post, Claire. You're definitely right. It's a hole in the blogging world. I don't often talk rainbows and butterflies of my relationship, but I also don't often share the junk either. Though I have openly admitted that we have our fair share of issues and disagreements, I've never been this candid. Props to you for this. We all have these moments. Tim and I argue about the dumbest things on occasion as well, though I will say we have less since we've gotten married (not that we cuddle and kiss in place of it...it's just that if something annoys us we just spend a little time separately). Tim's favorite thing to threaten me with if we get into an argument is that he's going to go sleep on the couch. I hate that. But it's an empty threat now because he's never actually followed through with it. I tend to beat the horse to death until there's some kind of resolution before we go to sleep. And he hates that. Hm. Thanks for sharing! It's so good to know we're all not alone in the way we live. This is why I really love the blog world.

Zoƫ said...

I really love this post. I've only just started personal blogging, and my family can find my blog so I'm not sure how candid I'd be willing to be on it. I haven't blogged about relationships at all yet, but from following other people I definitely get the idea that everyone's is perfect. This was refreshing to read :) Thank you so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

once you get past the first 6-12 months and the love haze has lifted, hopefully you're left with someone you can stand and that's when the real work sets in.

my husband and i are actually pretty laid back but the true test of our relationship was when i suffering from severe PPD after i had my daughter; something that lasted for 2 years. in those 2yrs, our relationship changed for the worse. our dynamic that was once filled with love and passion turned black and lonely... it was the depression that turned me into a recluse from him and everyone else so for 2yrs, we lived in the same house as strangers; only communicating when it came to our daughter.

when i got better and i was feeling normal again, i looked at our relationship and realized it was broken. we had no idea how to be with each other anymore; we had no idea how to connect anymore so for another year, we lived as roomates. it wasn't a fun time, to say the least. however, we started to argue more. while it sounds bad, it was actually good because for nearly 3yrs i was dead inside so feeling emotions was a huge step in my healing and recovery. after several months of arguing, confusion and trying to remember what it was like to be with each other/learn how to be with each other again, we finally had a huge heart-to-heart and our options were: get separated or try and make things work. we both didn't want the separation but i was willing to do it if that meant he would/could be happy again; i mean, damn, i had put him through hell for 3yrs and he's such a good man, he deserves happiness, even if it isn't with me.

we laid out all our cards on the table and really opened up. we both said a lot of things we were afraid to say all those years and we both realized a lot of things.

that was about a year ago and our relationship is stronger than ever. we don't really fight and if we bicker about something, we say our piece and move on, no hard feelings. i guess we both came so close to losing it all that everything else seems so trivial these days.

sorry claire, i didn't mean for this to be a huge post about me and my past. but to answer your question, we don't struggle with much these days because we struggled for so long in the past.

Erika said...

Awww...the two of you are so cute, Claire. I love seeing glimpses into your life together on Instagram.

I am single. At least at the moment. So, no struggles with a partner. Though I'm sure that, once I find one, he will not be pleased with the fact that my refrigerator is stocked with nail polish as opposed to food. :P

Micaela said...

I am so proud of you for being brave and putting yourself (and your relationship) out there. I know we have constantly talked about this very issue and as you can see from all the comments above-- we are relieved we are not alone and someone said it all out loud.

You know our biggest fight was the whole sex thing and that's a pretty big deal. Now we argue about who's turn it is to change Felix's diaper (really sexy, i know ha).

Chip is more laid back than I am which is good because when it comes to us, sometimes something as silly as him burping out loud in the other room gets me so angry. HA it's gross!

He will never sleep on the couch, which was something different than my other relationships. Even if we're upset and I want him to sleep on it-- he won't because he says nothing is that bad that we can't sleep next to each other.

That said, I wanted him to sleep on the couch yesterday.


I love reading everyone's comments!

wfayew said...

You're a strong woman to put up with someone who hates football! But seriously, my last relationship ended because there were so many little things that I didn't like about him and it made me lose sight of the big picture. If you love each other and keep your focus on the big picture (just being together), you'll be fine. Or at least that's what I think and what I hope to have with my next relationship.

And I'm with you on the sugar coated lovey dovey blogger relationships. We can all see through it.

danielle and dinosaur toes said...

It's always refreshing to read honest posts, and although some "big" bloggers say not to share anything that isn't sunshine and rainbows, seeing something real makes me respect the person more, because it lets me know that they're putting on a show or only showing me the pretty facade of their day/life/relationship.

Chris and I have some of the same differences as you and Matt, and while they can get really annoying, and do tend to cause unnecessary arguments sometimes, the truth is, I wouldn't want to be with my personality twin because I think that would be just as annoying at times! I think in love, you don't have to agree with everything, you just have to learn to accept things.

danielle and dinosaur toes said...

I meant to say NOT putting on a show...

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

Sing it, sister. I did a post on the reality of relationships last week.

No need to pretend everything is perfect!


undomestic mama said...

Welcome to the dysfunctional club! Just kidding. you know my whole life story so i won't get into it, but we're also struggling with kid issues. Love you long time.

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

This is fantastic! Thank you for being so honest.

The talking it out thing? KILLS ME. Why can't I just yell and cry and stomp away? Oh, because I'm in an adult relationship...FINE. I'm still learning these things...

Anonymous said...

Re: liking similar music, I caint understand why Claire doesn't like a Canadian punk band called the Dayglo Abortions.
I think this is a brave & refreshing post, Claire, & you prolly, if anything, went easy on me. You are a brave woman to be w/ an old dysthymic bastard w/ cashflow problems like me. Although it's a little tough to be the subject of your post, your overall point is excellent: we need to stop -- as a culture -- acting like the smiling pretty people we see in advertising, & start being more real. Everything is not ok, and it's ok. Things will naturally fall apart, & instead of hiding & acting like life is perfect, we can be vulnerable & connect w/ the sadness & struggle that everyone experiences at times. & for the record, when not wanting to occassionally throttle Claire, I find her one of the most dynamic & impressive human beings I've ever met.

John Peterson said...

This is Erica not John

I read every comment made I think this was very helpful to myself Anyway.

Well I have been with John 22years now.

I am social he is not.
Were both messy but he is horder that's hard for me.
I like to talk things to death, he just looks blankly at me.
He is into fishing, boating camping, I am not.
He like country music I like RB and Rap music.
He watches all these tv shows I do not like.
He is obsessed with soda, candy, junk I am trying to loose weight.

I could go on.

We almost weren't going to make it to 23 years.

This is what I learned. You have to pick your battles living with someone after awhile the smallest things can drive you insane. Routines your use to get disrupted, things are done differentially then your use to in your home.

Things that drive you crazy most often are just your partner being them selves, not there intention to drive you crazy. Again the disruption in your routine and the way your use to things being done, just your partner being them selves. As your being your self.

You have to decide what things are actually really important to address and what to let go. You don't want either your self or your partner having to change who they are to be in the relationship.

To me important issue are finding new things to do together that you both enjoy. Compromising on the rest without trying to change each other.

If your social or a home body you can't force a person to change who they are. If someone is messy there whole lives it's very hard to snap and be neat.

Communication is very important.

The key here is both partners feeling like you get each other aren't trying to change each other. At the same time show your partner you care by taking interest in things that are important to them.
That you compromise on all those differences. Again pick your battles. It's really hard to change habits and the way a person is.

Sometimes we pick at to many little things and get all emotional you don't care your not listening.

John rarley washes a dish, I think it's something to let go of but if you can't , have him wash them set them on the counter and you put them away.

To much drama in a relationship without adding dishes to the mix :) That an example still working on this myself.

The end of the day you need to be each other's best friend.

drollgirl said...

thank you for writing this post! it is SO ANNOYING to go to blogs that are 100% positive and insanely happy in every freaking post. GET REAL! life has ups and downs! relationships are not always easy!

hmm. this is my chance to make a list of things that annoy me in my relationship. i love the guy, but these things drive me bonkers.
1) sometimes the relationship can be SUFFOCATING. he needs. NEEDS. we are talking 100 texts a day. sometimes i just like to be left alone. we work on this, but DANG sometimes he is offended and i am annoyed, and he wants more and i just want to go home and be on my own.
2) i am sick of hanging out watching tv. i would rather go out SOMETIMES. we do both, but money is often short and staying home seems to be the default. this gets old.
3) money. there is never enough of it. we both have more ideas than we have money. ugh. it could be worse, but it could be better.
4) i hate sleepovers. i like sleeping in my own bed on my own. after a year plus of being together, i still can't sleep a whole night in the same bed with hime. THE SNORING. blergh. i usually end up hitting the couch or going into another bedroom for at least a few hours. but i am TRYING to work on this.
5) this is weird, but he is AWFULLY COMPLIMENTARY TOWARDS ME. always. ALWAYS. i am deeply flawed, and i am lucky he puts up with me. but he is always so freaking nice that it is a little scary. we had a tiff last weekend and i know i hurt his feelings. fights are going to happen. feelings are going to get hurt. both parties will be annoyed sometimes. it just happens. or at least it does when i am involved. lol!

BUT, all in all things are good and i wouldn't want to trade him in. :) i know you feel the same. :)

NYLON Girl said...

You know my thoughts on boys Claire bear...they suck especially the American ones! Hehehe...

That being said we love Matt and he is so awesome and funny and the fact that he didn't want to kill the five girls sat in his living room drinking wine, talking girl talk, falling asleep mid-convo (this was only me)...makes him a legit saint in my book. He is so generous and kind and you guys mesh so well it would be annoying if we didn't know y'all. Can't wait to see where this whole romance goes!!! :-)

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Wow. You got me on the day I am REALLY struggling.

I have major trust issues. Major. I guess it comes from having an ex that lied and cheated for 6 years. I never had trust issues before him. But now sometimes they feel suffocating.

Izzy has been nothing but open and honest with me. And yet sometimes I can't help but distrust him. He has a lot of female friends and the rational part of me knows he adores me and would never cheat. But the part of me that still can't get over what my ex did makes me feel so jealous.

Izzy also has some debts issues, which he's working on. But anytime I see anything come in the mail that could possibly have to do with debt I start to wonder if he's lying. Even though I KNOW he isn't and I know he's being up front, there's that horrible, irrational part of me that seriously can't get past my distrust.

I'm not really sure what to do about it. I know it really hurts him, and it hurts me too. I don't want to distrust him and hell, I'm also really sick of hating my ex for what he did. I just don't know how to let go of the distrust and just... trust.

Wow. So yeah.

Thank you for sharing this. It's really easy in the blog world to gloss everything over and I so appreciate real posts like this, it helps me to realize that everyone has their issues and I'm not the only one.

Lane said...

First I love your honesty, one reason we have been best friends all these years! I'm laughing at this because I called you last night in tears after a fight between Dustin and I and just needed to vent as I left his house in rage.
We love these men so much and at the same time they can drive us insane! If anyone says they never have problems I truly believe they are lying! My grandparents were married 60 years and loved each other and she would tell me there will be days you HATE your husband but your love is deeper. I keep that in mind weekly...

Things that drive me and him crazy:
1. Dustin is ADD and doesn't pay attention. He pretends he does but when it comes up again he has no idea what I'm talking about. Sends me overboard
2. He is NOT a planner at all...I am extreme planner and type A
3. I like everything clean and neat and everything has a place. He seems to think otherwise
4. He hangs towels everywhere else but bathroom...
5. He says I'm too bossy!
6. We both think each other buys ridiculous things (I buy shoes and clothes and he buys tvs or grills).
7. I get impatient and get mad and leave and he wants to talk too
8. We don't like the same music either
9. I love the beach and he likes the mountains.
10. Dustin would like to spend all his time with me and you know me I need "girls" time too
11. We have different views about things
12. He is much sweeter than me :)

Despite the differences and complaints I still love him more than anything. We just try to compromise and not kill each other and really try to not go to bed angry.

Nicole Marie said...

i think that's an important lesson for everyone to remember: that loving is a choice. whether it's the one you choose or the family you're born into. loving them is a choice and sometimes not an easy one but it takes work, patience and selflessness

Belen said...

I love this post, Claire. :)))

Deals, Steals and Heels said...

luckily, i married a guy who didn't watch football...so he was easy to convert =)

nate is definitely less social than i am, but he's better when we're in a small group...and he's ALWAYS planning some new project around the house, or some whatever in the future. it's awesome because it means we aren't blind-sided by some things...but on the other hand it totally stresses me out sometimes because i'm a control freak too, and discussing things i have no control over makes me BANANAS.

plus, he is forever leaving soda cans with at least half the soda left in them around...makes me want to THROTTLE him.

Kara said...

God I couldn't love this any more!

I'm very casual, laid back and nearly impossible to upset, whereas Ryan gets easily offended sometimes and then I'll be like "GET IT TOGETHER" before I realize I'm being an insensitive bitch and I need to work more to be attentive to HIS feelings, too.

I can be a total mess at home. Messy messy messy. Not dirty, just things everywhere! Ryan is always neat, clean and precise.

We never have enough money and I'm probably too frugal.

What we are truly awesome at, though, is talking it out. We've had periods of time where things were funky for weeks, but we always come together and work it out. We are both insanely committed to this marriage and even when we want to murder each other, I'm always confident we will make things work.

Summer Athena said...

Just learned a lot about you and Matt while reading. Good stuff. You know I've always felt being open and honest the better choice rather than all squeaky clean and perfect.

Not sure i even have the energy to recount our struggles or differences. :/

RadiantKristen said...

I can relate to a lot of the struggles that the two of you face in your relationship. We definitely have problems with the way we both want to resolve arguments. I loved that you talk about love and relationships being a choice... you don't fall in love and then everything is perfect, you fall in love and the work really begins.

Fantastic post, stopping by from Why Girls are Weird

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

You are so open and honest and that's why we keep coming back! I do mostly show the pretty but do try to encourage and inspire people as well.

I gotta say my husband is awesome. I think his degree in psychology and natural desire to understand/improve things (including himself) helps. I think with older age, you can either say screw it or do something about it. He worked really hard, switched fields, got into great shape (to combat bad health genetics) and never stops. I do wish he would pick up his socks though, but no partner is completely perfect!

Chic 'n Cheap Living

Dancing Branflake said...

Love this post! But do you know what I also love? All the comments! We know all the same people and I love hearing from others who have never spoken about their significant others before. That's awesome.

Tess @ AModernSuburbanitesLife said...

hahaha. I know this is a serious topic, but I am definitely laughing at your flee to the couch!I think matt is an introvert, and I'm half introvert and extrovert. But when im ready to extrovert myself out, I will sometimes leave him in the dust. It's not that he gets upset, I just feel so independent. I'm also HYPER sensitive. Oh and Im bad with money - while he works in finance. Hhaha. Oh man I could on and on and on. But on the topic of only sharing the good, I think its human nature? I mean the bad is boring, and I always try to frame the bad as a triumph. "Oh I was having this bad thing.. and I overcame it by blah blah blah." OR I am honest about having a bad day, and then someone thinks I am like depressed and sending me emails like "i hope your ok!" Im like I'm fine just trying to poke fun at my bad day! thats a huge part of why I hate to gripe on the internet. People take it so literally, and then you are swormed with crazy questions of "you are ook?". anyways I've rambled enough.

Tess @ AModernSuburbanitesLife said...

and I can't believe he read and commented on your blog! lucky you. Loved what matt said too! Sometimes we aren't ok, but that is ok. TRUTH

Megan said...

I love this post. It makes me feel better about the spats J & I have. We are the same as you guys in the social area. J is introverted; I'm extroverted. I love going places and meeting new people. He is fine with the friends he has. I SO flee to the couch. Mainly just to be dramatic. It's crazy how opposites attract.

Jo said...

this is refreshing and real....love it.
i'll share. :)

i adore my guy. we recently got engaged, and the most recent issue i have happened just a couple of hours ago. in trying to cut down the guest list, i offered my thoughts to help him bring his total down. he said he just couldn't do what i suggested. then he spoke with his parents, who offered the very same suggestion. suddenly it's valid. ugh. i told him that it bothered me that the idea wasn't good enough when it came from me, but was something he would seriously consider when it came from his parents. i hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

other than that...he's indecisive about stupid little things (like where to go for dinner) and i am the opposite. you'd think i'd love being able to make all the decisions, but it gets annoying.

he is super social and loves the night life. i'm slightly social and am early to bed, early to rise. a good chunk of the time, when it comes to night time outings, i just say, "go without me". and he's sweet about not pressuring me to go out. i feel guilty, though. and that's just my own issue. on the plus side, i guess the fact that i am completely comfortable choosing sleep over going out means that i trust him completely. :)

money. he has more than i do, and i feel pressure to be able to monetarily contribute to our home, our life, our future just as much as he does. again, this is probably my own issue. he's never said anything about this.

i could go on and on, but i don't want to take up any more space on your comment section! :)


Lauren Nicole said...

Oh my goodness Claire, I loved this post. I don't even know how to describe how much I loved it. I would have probably bawled if I hadn't been sitting in a public place, haha. This is so refreshing and so relate-able. Not just with bloggers, but with friends too, I feel like there are few people in life who really talk about how their relationships are. I only have a small handful of friends that are completely honest with me, that I feel. Most of which I have met through blogging. People are like you and Danielle said, too concerned with this shiny outside persona and feel like if they share too much, others will think less of them. But I find it so admirable and beautiful when people share things like this with me without any sort of 'this is embarassing' or 'i canit believe I'm saying this' crap. Just...thank you. Really. I feel like I can't say anything more than you are so wonderful to share and be open.

Charlotte Klein said...

I love this post--and your honesty--so very much. It's a beautiful thing indeed to read about a blogger who reveals that life isn't always rosy and that there are trials and tribulations that come with ANY relationship. It's normal to fight and have disagreements. I always think the strength of a relationship is tested when you are forced to figure things out together.

I have been with my current bf for just over a year now. He is my best friend, the one I go to when I have exciting/upsetting news, and he's my rock. But we have had several arguments about money which we are trying to work on (ie, how to get more of it, lol). Also, he loves to be with me all the time. I shouldn't complain about this, because he's the sweetest thing and since we are on opposite schedules I do cherish that time. But, every now and then, I take the dog out for an hour, just to clear my head. I value my alone time and time spent with friends.

We are all perfectly imperfect. And we grow and learn from one another. It's one of the most valuable lessons in our relationships.


nicoleciomek said...

love this post - it is so true, in love you will sometimes hate each other... I might put up a similar post soon.

But, some of the things Ross and I struggle with are as follows:

Ross is very sensitive to rejection, so if he even feels rejected in the slightest, he's super moody and ranty about it. this drives me nuts.

I can be super defensive and get angry really fast. Actually both of us are hot tempered. This can be a recipe for disaster some days.

We both have slept in the guest bed on different occasions.

Since my hysterectomy, I've had off and on crazy hormonal problems and I can just flip out over nothing. Luckily, Ross has learned to not engage with me when I've clearly lost my mind but for a while this led to so FIGHTS.

I once destroyed a swiffer floor mop I was so mad at him.

But, we really do love each other. Sometimes, we just push each other's buttons. But learning to work through these things I think is part of a relationship.

Thanks for sharing! It is always good to hear I am not alone.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Girl I can totally relate to the whole issue of child support. Has it been awhile? Can he get it modified? Every so many months you can petition (which is free) to have it modified. I'll email you.

Leesh said...

I am late in commenting but this is a great post. You are right, people tend to sugar coat their relationship in their blog rather than be real. There are some things about my relationship that need work and it's something that I am definitely working on. I actually signed up for a 21-day relationship challenge from the author of The Happiness Project and it's been pretty interesting.

It's nice that you guys have differences because who would actually want to date a replica of themselves. Having differences and opinions gives you lots of things to talk about. But him not liking football when you are a huge fan, how do you deal with that?!?!!? LOL!

Christina Monique said...

Marco and I struggle with my temper. It doesn't seem like I have one but I have a huge temper and if things don't go the way I like (whether he knows that way or not) I get pissed. I make faces at shit that he may say and usually that sets things off. Sometimes I go overboard with my sailor mouth and embarrass him. I talk about sex and he doesn't. He is a very private person and I am not. I can talk to anyone about anything. Marco I am sure will tolerate me forever because I know he loves me and doesn't ask me to change but I am the one who is like hey why cant you change like he doesn't say sorry when he should. That can make a 2 second fight last for 2 weeks... so sad. But I always say sorry and end the fights and I think he is used to that. I am actually writing a post about that tonight. Don't worry we aren't fighting :) .

I know that when you love someone you can see clearly on what you want and it's even clearer for what you deserve. Matt deserves you because you accept everything about him. I always tell Marco I like him as a person. He laughs but I think that its awesome if I like him. It is easy to love him but liking him makes my love so much stronger. <3 you like Matt and I know he likes you.

Christina said...

I love this! I don't like it when people use social media to constantly complain and be passive aggressive towards their partner, but I really don't like it when everything is hearts and butterflies either. No one is perfect! I love my family, but I'm not afraid to say they bug me. Haha! I also flee to the couch when we fight. I don't necessarily believe in "never go to bed angry". I really, really need a night to calm down and get over myself.

erin elder said...

This could very well be the best post I've read on the blogosphere. I actually had to take a break from blog-world because i got so irritated with how PERFECT everyone's relationship seemed in their blogs, and it just didn't seem real to me. Everything isn't always perfect, and all relationships have their up and downs.... i wish people shared the downs more often. It's REAL.

Current struggle with my man: I come form a short list of long-term relationships, while his longest adult relationship is now ours... and he's not used to the every-day-ness after the honeymoon phase is over. I'm not always happy and perky and go-with-the-flow. I have bad moods, and he's not used to that. I think that is our biggest struggle right now. Getting used to being around each other all the time, and realizing that its not picture perfect anymore. It's real. But like you said, we CHOOSE to stay with each other because we love each other.

I'll say it again.... PERFECT POST.